A Family Centered Miracle

(Warning, some graphic (i.e. bloody) images included below. Do not read if you are squeamish.) 

This past Wednesday, October 1, 2014 at 12:17 p.m. our third son, Connor Matthew DeBoy Caminiti was born. He was born in what was our delivery hospital's first Family Centered C-Section and everything about it was perfect.

With those not familiar with a "typical c-section" I'll try to paint the picture so you understand what was so very different about this c-section.

In a typical c-section, the mom is sometimes (though not always) given the choice to watch the c-section using a mirror. With my two previous c-sections I jumped at this chance as I did not want to miss seeing my babies being born. Partners are almost always allowed in the OR, and they can take pictures. Typically, after the baby comes out of the Mom's belly they hold the baby up high, above the curtain, or more correctly, the drape, for mom to see (as you can see here with my oldest son, Ryan).

They then take the baby away, into another room, where the baby is cleaned, weighed, given shots, etc. My husband has always followed the baby, to be with him, as I knew I was well taken care of by the Anesthesiologist and the rest of the OR team. You can see pictures of this process here, with my second son, Zachary:

While all of this is going on, the mom remains in the OR where the surgery is completed. At some point, the baby is brought in for mom to get a quick peek, to give a kiss, and then the baby is returned to the warmer in the recovery room, where he remains until the mom is able to be moved from the OR to recovery. All told, I would say, typically, a mom is away from her baby during a c-section for about 30 minutes.

Ryan

Zachary 

During my two "typical" c-sections I was lucky in that as soon as I was moved from the OR to recovery my baby was placed on my chest and I was able to begin breastfeeding. But this is not always the case. I've heard stories of moms who did not hold their perfectly healthy baby for up to two hours after a c-section.

Me with Zachary after arriving in recovery.

All things considered, my two prior c-sections were amazing, wonderful experiences and I will never, ever forget them. In fact, you can read about Zachary's here. (I wasn't blogging yet at the time of Ryan's birth, so its not documented except in a file just for him). 

And then, then I had the amazing opportunity to experience a Family Centered C-Section and well, it was just a magical, amazing experience. Let me try to paint the picture of how very different it is from what I described above. As I've done before, this section will be written as a letter to my sweet baby boy. 

Dearest Connor Matthew, 

The experience of watching you be born was one of the most raw, and amazing experiences of my life. I hope you know how much planning went into making this happen, and how thrilled and excited Daddy and I were and are that you entered the world in such a special way. 

You might be wondering what was so different or magical about your birth. Well, let me tell you. During the surgery they dropped the drape and raised the head of my bed so that I could actually see you coming out. I didn't have to strain my neck to see you using a mirror. I saw it happening directly in front of me and so did Daddy. We saw your little head pop out and immediately were in love. We marveled at your dark hair and watched in awe as they slowly pulled you out completely and then immediately transferred you to my chest where I was waiting to snuggle you. 

 

Then, while they sewed my belly up, Daddy and I got to revel in just being with you and snuggling. It was perfect. Daddy captured our first hug on camera and you can see the awe, love, amazement and pure joy on my face. It may be my most favorite picture ever: 

 During the next 30 minutes--which in a "normal" c-section I wouldn't have seen you at all--Daddy and I instead got to snuggle and love on you. These thirty or so minutes were some of the most peaceful and amazing of my life. The doctors were sewing up my belly, using stitches and glue, I was in an operating room, and I was having major surgery! But none of that mattered because I was with my baby boy. My brand new, perfect, beautiful boy. I was with YOU and with Daddy and it was perfect.

Soon, the doctors finished sewing me up and they prepared to transfer me from the operating table to the bed. I thought maybe they would have me hand you to Daddy at this point. But they didn't. The doctor simply said, "You just hold him tightly," which of course I did, and the next thing I knew they were transferring me to the bed, and off we went, headed to recovery.

Mommy & Dr. Penn 

Connor, I think everyone involved in your delivery thought it was a pretty magical experience. The clinicians had never done a c-section like this. I was honored to have them there. They had all taken a lot of time preparing for this delivery. My OB (the Amazing Dr. Penn) assisted by Dr. Keith, Dr. McAllister, our Anesthesiologist, Katie and Anne, our nurses (supported by Anne's student Laura), and Betsy the nursing manager who coordinated everything were all so invested. They watched videos of a similar procedure, they read articles I sent, they read e-mails, they attended meetings, they checked on us even when they didn't have to, and they put their heart and souls into making your birth the magical experience it was. I will be forever indebted to them.

Once we got to the recovery room the nurses weighed and measured you. You weighed 7 lbs 13 oz and were 19.5 inches long. This made you the shortest of the three Caminiti boys at birth, and the middle one weight-wise. They took your footprints and declared you perfect! Then they gave you back to Mommy and you immediately started to nurse. Mommy got you latched on so quickly that all the nurses were very impressed with you! You've been a champion nurser since!

During this time of waiting to make sure both you and I were stable Daddy and I enjoyed getting to know you and cuddle you.

Connor, so far in the 6 days we've been privileged to get to know you I would say you are one of the sweetest most patient babies I've ever met. You are patient and rarely fuss when trying to latch on. You cry at diaper changes but only when they take too long (which is usually your fault, if you pee while I'm changing you, thus necessitating a full outfit change), you tolerate your brothers' constant adoration, poking and prodding, and you sleep well! You are super snuggly and love to curl up in a little ball on my shoulder. I know you will not stay this way forever. But I hope at your core, you will always be patient, gentle, and love Mommy snuggles!

During the 3.5 days that we were in the hospital (with you I stayed 3 nights, and I am so glad I did, as my recovery has been so much easier!) you had many visitors: NeeNee, PopPop, Ryan, Zachary, Auntie Catharine, Julia, Caitlin, Auntie Cindy, and Uncle Chris--your Godfather. Everyone was smitten with you, especially your brothers. You can see in the pictures below how much they both already love you.

Finally, on Saturday, October 4th we headed home with you!

 Every minute with you since your birth has been amazing. I cannot wait to watch you grow and mature, though you can be certain I am going to cherish these moments with teeny, tiny, you, as I know I will never experience the joy of a our very own newborn again. Connor, you have completed our family. We never felt that anything was really missing before, but now that you are here I have a sense of peace about the fact that yes, indeed, we have met all the little people that Daddy and I will create and bring into this world. That is an amazing feeling indeed. 

Caminiti Family: Complete! 

Thank you for joining our family and for making it complete. We all love you so very much already.

Love always, 

Mama 

No Where But Here

Matt and I sometimes muse about living places besides the DC Metro area where we live. Of course, the first place we always consider is Boston. It is where we went to school, where we fell in love, and where we have many fond memories. We would love to take our kids regularly to BC Football games  and have them grow up loving the city we love so much.

We think about moving to Canada at times. 1 year maternity leave, true universal healthcare, federally subsidized daycare, less humidity: It all sounds pretty tempting.

We think of cities where the cost of loving is much lower, Indianapolis comes to mind, as good friends just moved there. Where we could own our "dream home" for hardly a penny more than we paid for our current, tiny, townhouse. Where we just wouldn't have to worry about money as much.

We think of exciting and new places where we've never visited: the Pacific Northwest, Colorado...or places we have visited and loved: San Francisco, San Antonio, etc.

And then, we have impromptu family dinners at my parents house. Where my children are surrounded by love, by their grandparents, their cousins, their aunts and uncles. Tonight we had one such dinner. My mom called us in the afternoon and invited us, we had no other plans, so we were able to go. My oldest brother and his family came as well. Mark and Catharine couldn't make it, but that was OK because we live close enough that we know we'll see them soon. Dinner was relaxed and fun, filled with little kid jokes, grown up humor that went over the kids' heads, my six year old niece trying to teach me the cup game, and lots of laughter and love.

On the way home, Ryan said, "That was so fun.  I just love Caitlin and Julia. But I like it best when EVERYONE is all together: Neenee, Poppop, Auntie Cindy, Uncle John, Caitlin and Julia, AND   Auntie Catharine, and Uncle Mark."

Me too, Buddy. And that is why we will probably never live anywhere else but where we live. All those tempting perks of other places can never compare to having our children grow up surrounded by impromptu family dinners, birthday parties nearly every month, fun outings, play dates, and so much love. Nothing compares to that.

Easter 2012: In Pictures

Our Easter Festivities started the Thursday before when my Sister-in-law hosted an egg hunt for Ryan and his Maryland Cousins (since we would be out of town on actual Easter). Here are Ryan and Caitlin working together to find eggs. 

Julia was more about eating the treats than finding the eggs. And once she realized the green bunnies weren't that good she offered hers to Ryan. 

We arrived in CT on Friday. Saturday morning we went to an egg hunt at the Mini Golf Course where Matt worked as a High Schooler. There was much waiting involved. But we were with good friends so a good time was still had by all. Here is Ryan off to "find" some eggs. 

Ryan with our friends' adorable daughter, Natalie. Future prom date??? 

Good friends! 

Sunday morning Ryan was off to find his basket from the Easter Bunny. He was very excited until....

We made him get dressed in his Easter Outfit. Then he was less than happy. But he recovered quickly. 

Family photo before Church. 

 

I don't know why, but I really like this picture. 

When we got back from Church Ryan had a blast finding the eggs I hid for him in his grandparents' backyard. 

My little Oliver Twist. 

Ryan showing his Uncle Adam (no, that is not Matt, they just look a lot alike) his eggs. 

Ryan with his Grandparents. 

My handsome boys! 

Me and my baby! 

We ended Easter with dinner with Matt's extended family. Lisa helped Ryan get a cookie (or two). That was worthy of a kiss! :) 

Dancing for Janet and Vanessa. 

 We had a very festive and happy Easter. I hope you did, too!

Mums the Word...Why??

I have been thinking about posting on this topic for weeks. But haven't for so many reasons. Namely, because its something people don't talk about. But then, today, I got a message from a facebook friend/former college band buddy (thanks Abby!) who was openly sharing her thoughts/experiences with me on this exact topic. She said, "it can be so isolating because no one talks about it. That's why I try to be as open as I can be about it." And that, that was the push I needed to go ahead and blog about this.

Matt and I have been trying to get pregnant with our second child for 7 months now. And so far we have not succeeded, but certainly not for lack of trying! (Sorry if that is too much information! ;) So, there I said it. And even as I put it "out there" I wonder why is this something we don't talk about? Well, I can think of a few reasons, because they are all things I thought about when I chose not to write about this:

1) No one talks about it. (Yes, I know, I said that already, but it bears repeating).

2) Everyone feels like "Oh, I shouldn't complain. So many other people have it so much worse!" (i.e. At least I have a chlid already, or "its only been 7 months. Some people have been trying for years.")

3) Its embarassing. I kind of thought that at first. But then I decided, no its not! Its not like either Matt or I have done anything wrong. What is to be embarassed about? (Feel free to fill me in here if I am missing something).

I am sure there are many more reasons why this is a topic about which people don't talk openly. And, I for one am not going to continue keeping mum. I know getting the e-mail from Abby (and talking with others who I know have shared similar struggles) has meant a lot to me. It is wonderful to hear from people who struggled and still made a beautiful baby as a result. So, if sharing my thoughts and experiences can help someone feel a little less isolated, then so be it.

And so, there you have it. We want another baby. And so far we don't have one. For those that think, 7 months is NOTHING! Well, its not "nothing" to me. Matt and I got pregnant fairly quickly with Ryan, and so, when we decided to start trying for #2 we were ready. We expected it to happen fairly quickly, and have been rather shocked that it hasn't happened yet. It is frustrating that even insurance companies have something to say about it all. You can't start any testing of any kind (and expect it to be covered by insurance) until you have been trying for a year (if you're under 35. I believe if you are over 35 you can start testing at 6 months).

Matt and I want our kids somewhat spaced apart, but not too far spaced. The longer it takes, the more that "perfect" spacing I have imagined in my head gets swept down the drain. And yes, we already have one child, and we should be grateful, and yes, of course we are. But as a mom, and as a sister, I have always pictured childREN in my life. Not one child. I know the wonderful relationships that are shared between siblings, and I want that for Ryan. I want him to know the joys and the struggles and the lessons involved in being a sibling, not just a son.

And yes, I know, in the grand scheme of things 7 months is not that long. But it sure can feel like an eternity when your heart aches every month when something you desperately want does not happen.

And so, I am trying to do "something" about the whole thing. I am a doer and feeling powerless just feels awful to me. So, I am going to acupuncture starting next Tuesday. I have never been before but I am anxious to see what it is like. I have read a lot, and know from various friends that acupuncture can be very helpful when trying to conceive. I'll let you know how it goes.

And in the meantime, send fertile vibes my way. And here's hoping that in a few months I will share that we are expecting. I can't wait!

Christmas 2012....oh wait I mean 2011

So, yeah, this post is a bit delayed, and if you follow me on Facebook you have already seen all these pictures. But I need to document our 2011 Christmas (though this is so late in coming that it will probably be closer to 2012 Christmas by the time I actually post it.)

This year Ryan really "got it." He could tell you that Christmas was Jesus' birthday, and that Santa would be coming, and that his reindeer would pull the sleigh. He sang Christmas carols and nearly every night before bed he would ask for a dance session in which we played Jingle Bells (any version would do: Harry Connick Jr, Ella Fitzgerald, the BSO Pops, etc) over and over at least three times. He knew Santa would bring presents and when you asked him what he wanted he would say "Cars and trucks!" The weeks before Christmas were as fun if not more than actual Christmas day. But don't get me wrong, our Christmas day was wonderful, and thus the reason why I must detail every minute of our day (and the night before).  Most of this is for my own documentation, so, be forewarned that I know it is a bit boring.

On Christmas Eve we went to mass at 4:30 with my parents at our local parish. We arrived at 3:50 and still barely got a seat. Ryan did really well considering that that we were seated from 3:50 to 5:30. We only had to take him to the lobby of the church once for a short break. When we got home I made Lobster Newburg for the first time. This is a tradition in Matt's family, and one he wanted to start for our own family. It was DELICIOUS and I will be happy to continue this tradition. Matt's family also always included Kentucky Fried Chicken with the Lobster Newburg. I could do without this, though am happy to oblige. But seriously, who needs KFC when you have delicious lobster?????

After dinner we had a Jingle Bell dance party, put out a cookie for Santa (yes, just one. Ryan's exact words were, "Santa need one cookie. I eat rest") and a big carrot for the Reindeer. Ryan looked out the window for Santa and asked, "When he comin' Mama!?"

 

We read the Night Before Christmas, and then Ryan was off to bed. Matt and I then filled stockings, and put the presents under the tree. I had already wrapped all the presents prior to Christmas Eve. Santa (and Ryan's out of town relatives) were good to Ryan this year!

On Christmas morning, Ryan woke up and was in no hurry to come down stairs. He came and snuggled in our bed for a bit, and then we went downstairs. He was very excited when he saw all the presents under the tree. He said, "dose [translation: those] presents for me???" and he promptly went to town opening them. We got the initial present opening on video and completely forgot to take pictures of this part. Oops! When I get around to editing the video, I may post it here...but that may be a while. His presents included a large set of Haba blocks, books, his first board game (Go Fish, thanks to Heather for the suggestion! He loves and actually plays by the rules) a puzzle, magnatrucks, and a Melissa and Doug mailbox.

My parents then joined us for breakfast, and I made very special Rudolph pancakes. Ryan knew exactly who it was when he saw them. He quickly ate all of the chocolate chips, marshmallows, some of the pancakes, and only ate the strawberry with much prompting. We also had an egg casserole and fruit.

After breakfast Ryan opened a present that my parents brought for him. As simple as this little garbage truck is, I am fairly certain it is his favorite gift.

We made sure to take our annual "Family Picture in front of the tree with our PJs on" and it actually turned out halfway decent. I can't believe how OLD Ryan looks here. Will he really be 2 in just a few days???

Ryan did not cooperate quite as much when we tried to get a picture with my parents....but, oh well. He was a busy, excited little guy!

After breakfast my brother and sister in law came over with my nieces and the kids exchanged gifts. It was a little chaotic, but thus is the nature of three small children opening presents on Christmas morning. Ryan loved his Elmo Legos and Recycling Truck from Auntie Cindy and Uncle John. He also loved Julia's cleaning cart, which we gave her, and was sad when he realized it wasn't his. Caitlin was excited about the microphone she got from my parents and enjoyed getting her rock star groove on. Christmas is magical with lots of little ones around!   

After John, Cindy, Caitlin, & Julia left we had the late afternoon to ourselves. Ryan took a nap, and Matt and I watched an episode of Mad Men after cleaning up from the morning. When Ryan woke up it was time to head to my parents  house. When we got there Ryan was VERY excited about his stocking. He went right to town opening that but had to wait until everyone else arrived to open his other presents from NeeNee and PopPop, and Auntie Catharine and Uncle Mark.

Eventually everyone arrived, including my cousin Chris, his wife Alissa, and their kids Saoirse & Patrick. We had a great afternoon being together with family and eating a delicious meal made by my mom. The best part of Christmas is definitely being together with family. We sure are lucky to have such an amazing family. Ryan may argue that the best part of Christmas was his train set (from NeeNee and PopPop), his Legos and BC sweatshirt (from Auntie Catharine & Uncle Mark), and his Cars sweatshirt, Mickey Mouse football, and coloring book (from Saoirse & Patrick). Ryan is a very loved little boy and as the years go on, I hope that he too comes to appreciate family time more than anything else. 

After dinner, dessert, and adult present opening Ryan took a bath and got into his PJs. We headed home, fully expecting him to fall asleep in the car. But he didn't. He was too excited I guess. He did go to sleep easily though once we were home. When he woke up the next morning he came down stairs and said, "Santa bring presents again?" We had to explain that no, that would not happen for another year. He seemed fine with that. 

Of all the wonderful gifts we recieved this year, the best gift will always be our happy, healthy, kind little boy.

We had a great day! I can't wait for next year! MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

(If you made it all the way to the end you deserve a medal!)