Little Moments

Last weekend when my husband and I were on a run together (with Ryan in the jogging stroller, probably yelling, "Faster, Mama! Go faster!") we started talking about the little joys about parenting that you don't anticipate before you have children. We both find that there are so many more little moments of joy in our day now because of Ryan. We notice things that we previously took for granted. For example, on Fridays, my day working outside of home, when I go to visit one particular family I drive past what must be a company that sells construction equipment. They have a large parking lot filled with bull dozers, excavators, dump trucks, steam rollers, etc. And every time I drive by it I get a huge smile on my face and a warm feeling inside. I think of Ryan and know that if he were in the back seat he would be saying, "Look, Mama! Look at all doooes TWUCKS! Do you see dem? Do you see da ecavator!?!?!"

Likewise, Ryan has an uncanny ability to spot the moon in the sky, no matter how faint it may be. He can find the moon in the middle of the day, when it is just a tiny white sliver amongst huge puffy white clouds. As we drive down the road, or go for a walk, he will look out the window, and say, "Da Moon!" And then I will say, in a deep voice, pretending to be the moon, "Hiya, Ryan! It is good to see you again!" And then Ryan will reach his hand up to the sky and say, "Here ya go Moon! I have a lollipop for you!" and he will hand the moon an imaginary lollipop. To which the moon (aka: me) will reply, "Oh thank you, Ryan! That is so nice of you to share! I know you looooove lollipops! I love them too!"

See? Little moments of joy that I never anticipated.

But it doesn't end there. Every day when I watch my neices, one of the first things Ryan will do is turn on the music so he and his cousin Julia (who is 23 months old) can have a dance party. I like to stand in the next room, just out of their sight, watching them. I love to hear their giggles as they spin in circles, and watch the way they occasionally stop just to give each other a hug. And then, in mid embrace they will look around for me saying, "Look Mama/Auntie Titin! Look!" Because they know they are just so cute when they hug.

An old photo, but one of my favorites of Ryan with his buddy Julia 

The joy continues when Ryan and I leave his cousins' house and head back home. Without fail Ryan will ask, "We goin back home, Mama?" And I will say, "Yup, we're going home." To which Ryan will respond, "Daddy will come home soon?" Me, "Yup, he'll be home soon buddy." A few hours later when his Daddy does get home Ryan will stop what he is doing, smile broadly at his Daddy, while running to give him a hug, and say, "Daddy! You wide the twain today!?" And just like every day before it Matt responds and says, "Yup! I road the train today, buddy!" Ryan smiles even broade and gives his Daddy a huge hug and again says, "Look, Mama!"

Trucks, trains, airplanes, moons, dance parties, and hugs. They were all a part of my daily life before Ryan was born (well, maybe not the dance parties) but I never fully appreciated these things until he came along. And now, having had Ryan in my life, I don't think I will ever again look at these things in the same way. I will never again see a truck, train, or airplane without smiling. I will never give or receive a hug without imagining Ryan's "look Mama!" I will never be the same person again now that I have experienced life as a mom; life filled with so many little moments of joy. And that change in who I am is just fine by me.