Snippets.....

Ryan is at such a fun age right now. He talks up a storm; he is starting to use "pretend play" more and more. He is more and more affectionate. And yet, with all these milestones comes increased frustration (on his part, and consequently on mine) when he doesn't get to do exactly what he wants to do. As a result he has learned what a "Time Out" is and he sits in one about once a day or every other day for minor infractions. But mostly, he is just a blast to be around. There have been so many little snippets of time lately that I have thought to myself "I need to blog about that!" And I have generally been really bad about blogging lately. So, I will try to capture as many of those snippets as I can here in this post. 

About 2 weeks ago Matt and I were in the car with Ryan. Matt was driving. Ryan was keeping busy in the back seat listening to his favorite Barenaked Ladies CD (if you weren't aware that BNL makes kids CDs you should DEFINITELY check them out!). Matt started to change lanes and in my opinion he was very close to the car in front of him. I said, "Matt! Watch out!" to which Matt responded, "It's fine, Kristen! I see the car!" We weren't mad...just stressed :)  Well, then Ryan added his two cents. He said, "Mama! Dada see car! Deesus!" Yes, apparently Matt and I take the Lord's name in vain a little too often and Ryan has picked up on it. OOPS! 

Ryan has always been a lovable kid. Since he was very small he would give hugs spontaneously. And now, he is learning to verbalize his affection. Night time is one of my favorite times with Ryan. We read two books and then we rock in the rocking chair to two songs. During this time Ryan often chatters away about his day. He counts ("1, 2, 7, 8 9, 10, 11!!"), he says his ABCs ("a, beeeeee, ceeee, double, x, y zeeeeee!"), and he shares memories from outings in the weeks past, "Mama! No cows in da big barn!" "That's right, Ryan. When we went to the farm three weeks ago there were no cows in the big barn."). Well, the other night he melted my heart. He had been chattering, and then he quieted down. He nestled his head into my neck and said the three most beautiful words I have ever heard. "Love you, Mama." I love you too buddy. With every ounce of my being. 

This next snippet probably isn't going to be all the funny to anyone except me and my husband. But that's OK. It’s still something I want to remember. From the time Ryan was about 3 months old his favorite book was "Hello, Baby!" by Mem Fox. Anytime Matt would read this book to Ryan he would say it was by "Red Fox." You know, the actor from Sanford and Son? Well, then it became habit, and every book Matt read to Ryan he would say, "by Red Fox." Recently, we were in a bookstore and I wanted to look up the "How Do Dinosaurs...." series but I couldn't remember the author because all I could think of was "Red Fox." So, I convinced Matt to start reading the correct authors. So, now for example, we may read, "Big Dog, Little Dog. by P.D. Eastman." And without fail, after Matt or I say the correct author Ryan chimes in with, "and Wed Fox!" And then he giggles. He has quite the sense of humor that little boy!

I know there are so many more little snippets like this, but alas, I can't think of any right now. I guess that just means I'll have to post again soon. I also need to do a "Photo Montage" of all the fun things we did this summer. It was a great summer, filled with lots of fun outings. But I am very glad Fall seems to have made its entrance. I love autumn and all the fun that goes along with it! I can't wait to take Ryan to the Pumpkin Festival in October! That will indeed be fodder for more snippets! 

Grateful...

There are so many things that I have been meaning to post about lately, a trip to the beach, fun summer outings, etc. And I will get to them. But today, something happened that I must post about now.

While I have been working at a pediatric Hospice for over a year now, we just opened to accepting patients a few weeks ago. So, my direct patient contact has been limited since Ryan was born. That changed today.

Today I danced to Michael Jackson with a little boy dying of Neuroblastoma. A little boy not much older than my son, and who in my arms, with his head resting on my shoulder felt about the same weight as Ryan. If t weren't for his bony little elbows, his knobby knees (chemo has destroyed his appetite), and his rich, beautiful brown skin it could have been Ryan. Fortunately for this little guy the location of his tumor has not yet affected his ability to walk, play, run, dance, and smile. He doesn't know he is dying, but everyone around him does. In that moment, swaying to "Beat it" (his sister chose the music, and she has good taste!) with this lovable little boy that I had just met I felt my eyes welling with tears. I am so grateful that my baby boy is healthy. And I hope and pray that he, and any subsequent children we have will stay that way far into old age. At the same time I again found myself in awe of the Moms and Dads who parent these special children and somehow find the strength and courage to get up every day and face what the world has put before them.

So, to my little Michael Jackson dancing buddy and his family (and all the other children and families I have had the chance to work with in this special work I do): thank you for letting me enter into your home, your life, your world. Thank you for giving me a little more perspective on how much I should appreciate and be thankful for every moment I have with my little family.

Surprise!!!

Yes, that (see title) was the word I heard as I came home yesterday afternoon after having brunch with my mom. At first I was a little confused given that my birthday was nearly 2 months ago. But, I figured that given that I turned the Big 3-0 that that was the reason for the "SURPRISE" Party that my amazing Husband threw for me. It was indeed.  I had a great time! The pictures tell the story.....

Thank you, Matt! I love you! 

18 Months

Dearest Ryan,

Today you turn 18 months old and I find this nearly impossible to believe. I can still vividly remember the moment you were born...looking at you being held above my head as the doctor pulled you out of my belly. I saw you, and said, "It's a boy!" You were and are a beautiful little boy who has so seamlessly become such an integral part of my and your Dada's life. We are so lucky to have you. And in that moment, 18 months ago, I became a better person because of you.

(Sorry to those who are squeamish!) 

So much has changed about you since I last wrote one of these letters (when you had just turned one year old). Its hard to know where to begin...

In the past 6 months it has been such a joy watching your personality develop. You are an out-going, joyful, empathetic, silly, and energetic little boy. You still say hello to almost anyone. You screech with delight when you simply hear mention of your favorite things, such as, Dada, trucks (yes, you still love trucks), dogs (which you want to lick in return when you meet one), cats, ice cream (i-ceeeeaaam!!!! YOU LOVE IT!), Nana (or, as you say, "Nee-Nee"), Pop-pop, Caitlin ("Cay-Cay"), Julia (Ju-ju), drums, Elmo, Cookie Monster (really, all the Sesame Street characters), Clifford (your stuffed dog), slides, going for walks, your stroller, and the park.....oh there are so many things and people you love!

As I said, you are also an empathetic and caring little boy. And this makes me so proud! You care about other people. You get a concerned look on your face when you can tell someone you love is hurt or upset. You give hugs freely, and you are just starting to learn to say "Love you!" Its not very clear yet, but you're getting there.

And yes, you're silly and energetic. You laugh with reckless abandon and you repeat any behavior that gets a laugh out of someone else. You love to wrestle with Dada, and if you could, you would spend your life outside, climbing, playing in the water, going down slides, running, and digging in the dirt. In so many ways you truly are such a boy.

Watching your physical development over the past few months has also been astonishing. You now love to climb on things, and this is rather scary for me. You try to climb EVERYTHING: beds, chairs, your crib (fortunately so far you only try to climb into the crib, and as far as we know have not yet attempted out), the stools at Auntie Cindy, and Uncle John's, the equipment at the playground, etc. Pretty much if there is a way to climb something, you'll climb it. This is one of the few developments in which I do not take much pleasure!!

Another joy has been watching the relationships you share with other people develop. You absolutely adore your Nee-Nee and Pop-pop. Just the other day I asked you, "What should we do for fun today, Ryan?" and you said, "See Nee-Nee, Pop-Pop!" They make you smile wider than anyone else, and I love seeing you with them. You also love your cousins Caitlin and Julia. In the morning, you know that we go to their house, so as soon as I say, "Let's go!" you say, "Cay-cay! Ju-ju!!" And you are just soooo very excited. You love your Auntie Cindy ("Aun Sin") and your Uncle John ("Uh Don") and your Auntie Catharine and Uncle Mark so much. If I could bottle the joy and love you exude when you are with the people you love I am fairly certain we could cure depression and bring about world peace.

I hope you feel the love you give coming back to you 100 fold. Ryan, you are a beautiful little boy and I am so proud of you! You make me a very happy Mama, and I don't want you to EVER forget how very much you are loved. You have been loved from the moment you were born, and you will continue to be loved every day for the rest of your life.

Happy 18th Month Birthday, baby boy!

Love always,

~Mama