Monday, October 17, 2011

Mommy Competition

A Facebook friend of mine recently posted an update that said, "Good Lord! 18 month olds are exhausting!" 

And these were the responses, which I have copied exactly: 

Person 1: Wait 'til she turns 3. Just sayin'....

Person 2: ha! I was going to say wait until they are 2.5! LOL

Person 3: hahahaha.... try two of them, of the male variety.

Person 4: they never stop being exhausting.... 4 years and almost 7... I am exhausted, thank goodness for school! lol

Person 5: It never ends mama. If you are a mom, you are exhausted. LOL

Person 6:  All the exploring is fun :) just wait till she's 6 and has an opinion about *everything*. I get a break when he's at school, but good grief, weekends are rough. By Sunday, 2pm, I'm ready for a shot. Rofl!

 I read these responses and I thought, "What the *&%$?"  This is not the first time I have been turned off by the responses of mothers to each other. 

Why as Moms do we not support each other when such comments are made? Instead of saying, "Oh just wait till...." (Which does nothing except invalidate the experience of the person who isn't yet at that stage with their child) why don't we say, "Yes, it’s very hard! But it will get better! I promise!" Because as the mom of a 21 month old, I can say that Ryan is easier right now than he was 3 months ago. Sure every kid is different. But for the most part, the hardest parts of parenting come in waves, and it does get better, if even for a brief period of time. 

It seems like as Moms we always have to compete with each other over "who has it worse" which is a terrible thing, given that being a mom is probably the best thing most of us will ever do! It is hard, it is exhausting, and there are days all of us just wish we could take off completely, but we can't. But it is an amazing experience indeed that most of us would not trade for anything. So, why do we feel a need to point out the hard parts all the time? I mean, people even do it to pregnant moms. They say things like, "Oh, you just wait!" This is so NOT helpful!

And yet, immediately after a baby is born, when it is REALLY, REALLY hard, and overwhelming, and exhausting, when we want to hear that we are not the only mom that has thought, "Put him back in!" the only things we hear are comments like, "Enjoy every moment?" and "Isn't it amazing?" and "It goes by so fast." And it is in this life-altering, exhausted state when we do actually want to hear that everyone finds it difficult and challenging to make the switch form a happily married couple without kids to a hopefully will stay happily married couple with a crying, screaming, eating, bundle of "joy." 

It seems that as moms we never give each other what we really need. When we need someone to commiserate with us,  instead we are told to "enjoy every moment" and when we want to be bolstered up and given hope we are told, "You just wait until...." 

I am from here on out making it a goal of mine to be helpful to my fellow Moms out there and to give you what you want to hear. So, if you need commiserating or bolstering, you let me know! 


  1. Ha! I totally wrote "enjoy every moment" to a new mom last week! But, I'm glad to say I also added, "maybe not the tearful exhausted, frustrated ones". :) I like to think I gave her a tiny heads up that it's hard and we've all been there. Now when I know a friend is having a baby, if I'm close enough to them I warn them: you may cry every day for weeks but it does get easier! Why did no one tell me that??!

    I think Mom's do the "just wait..." thing because as the kids get older it is so hard to remember the previous ages and how hard they all are. Every age is challenging.

  2. Please be my mommy friend when I'm ready and if I'm lucky enough to join team mommy. <3 you

  3. Hi JesG, I will gladly be your Mommy I know you?

  4. Hi Kristen! I saw your comment on Christy's piece about Leyda, I think the picture came form FB or the carepage. If you would like, her care page is

    Your Ryan is adorable!


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