Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Recently, I have had the feeling that my life is as it should be right now and that it can't really get any better. I am a mom and a wife and those are my priorities and that's the way it should be.

Prior to ever being pregnant, or even married, I was often found telling people "I was put on this earth to be a mom." And yet, there were moments in my earliest weeks of motherhood when I doubted this. Moments when I thought my "calling" in life wasn't my calling. I was scared in those moments. Worried that life wouldn't be as I had expected it to be. But now, as Ryan is nearly 10 months old and he is developing into such an amazing little person, and I can see every day how Matt and I are helping to make him that little person, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I was indeed put on this earth to be a mom...to be Ryan's mom. And truly, I couldn't be happier.

This isn't to say that there aren't tough, challenging moments. There definitely are. He still isn't a great sleeper (and no, I am not going to put in writing whether or not he has made any progress in that area lately, because if I do, any hypothetical progress would certainly be lost) and those middle of the night wake-up calls are rough. At times the unpredictability of babyhood can be tough. Just this past Saturday Ryan didn't take his usual long naps, and thus messed up the "schedule" we had planned for the day. This frustrated both Matt and me and made us short with each other. Last night, Ryan was very grumpy (who knows why) and thus our usual relatively calm sit-down-as-a-family dinner was chaotic and filled with whining about anything and everything. Parenting isn't predictable, it isn't always easy, but it is what I am supposed to be doing in life right now. And I know that with a level of certainty that is only rivaled by the certainty I felt the day I married Matt.

Ryan is my son, and the joy that I feel in watching the loving, joyful, pleasant, gentle (most of the time), funny, and friendly little boy he is becoming is beyond description. I love watching his explore and discover the world. I look at him with such pride. My heart swells daily. More often I find myself simply enjoying the moment more than I ever have before. I don't see myself looking down the road saying, "What's next?" as often. This is my life. It is how it is supposed to be. I am content.

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