3 years

My Dearest Ryan,

Today you turned 3 years old. It is difficult to believe that 3 years have passed already since the day you entered our lives. I remember the day vividly, and as I currently sit here not only thinking of your own birth, but also anticipating your brother's arrival, I am especially conscious of the memories, feelings, and thoughts I had in the days after your birth. It was an overwhelming time. Our life was changed forever. At first it wasn't always easy to see the amazing ways in which life had changed. Caring for a newborn is really hard and it can be overwhelming. Much of the earliest days, though filled with immense love, gratitude and joy, they were also stressful! But tonight, as I tucked you in, your first night as a 3 year-old, I teared up as I thought about how truly wonderful being your Mama is!

I'm not saying every day is perfect, or that I'm the perfect Mom (far from it!), or that you're perfect. But the life we are living is truly wonderful. You are a wonderful little boy, who is so filled with joy and excitement, and you fill my life with more smiles and happiness than I ever could have imagined. These past 3 weeks, when I have been home with you, and only you, our time together has been magical. My heart melts multiple times each day when you, out of the blue, turn to me and say, "I looooove you, Mama!" I can't help but smile every time you get so excited about something that you jump up and down and flap your arms. (I need to stop worrying that your "flapping" is of concern, and rather, just take comfort in the fact that you are a very, very joyful, happy boy!) I love your "monkey hugs" when you wrap your arms and legs around me so tightly I can practically feel the love oozing out of you.

Ryan, there are so many things about you that make you such a special, wonderful boy. You are kind and caring. You are very sensitive, and when we read books, in which something sad happens to someone or something, you often cry. I remember the first time you cried at the end of "10 Little Lady Bugs" because you were so upset that the last Lady Bug was all alone. All the convincing in the world that she was eventually reunited with her friends could not calm the sadness you experienced on her behalf. You also get tearful when reading books that are sentimental, though not necessarily sad, such as "Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You." You not only show emotion when reading books, but also when interacting with other people. If someone you know is sad, you will quickly give them a hug and say, "Its OK! Its OK!" If you hear a baby crying you will ask, with a concerned look on your face, "Why is that baby sad?" This compassion and sensitivity you have for others is one of the things about you of which I am most proud. I hope you never lose this sensitivity, and never shy away from showing it openly.

You are also a very, very friendly boy. Just tonight, when we took you to Chick-Fil-A, you waved and said "Hi!" to people as we walked by, or to the kids at the table across from us. You quickly made friends with the other little boy in the play area and enjoyed a game of hide-and-seek. When one of the little girls was leaving the play area you gave her a hug and said, "Bye!" I love going places with you because you make people smile. At my recent OB appointments you are a big hit in the waiting room. You wave to people until they notice you and then you say, "Hi!" They smile immediately and say, "Hi" back and you generally engage in some kind of adorable conversation. You politely ask to see the babies who are with their moms. You know not to touch unless invited to touch them.

You're also a great conversationalist. When Dada comes home from work and we are eating dinner you almost always ask, "How was your day today, Dada?" You will sometimes ask, "What did you do?" You listen for the answers and ask appropriate follow-up questions.

You are confident and polite. If you want to ask a grown-up a question or tell them something, even a grown-up you don't know, you politely say, "Excuse me. Excuse me...." and then you ask your question or share your news. You did this at "My Gym" recently when the teacher was explaining that free play time was a good time to go potty or get a drink of water. You raised your hand, said "excuse me" and then politely explained, "Ms. Holly, we can't get a drink of water because you are out of cups." You will even ask strangers questions without hesitation. Again, in the OB's office you recently wanted to know one of the baby's names. You stood in front of the Mom, said, "Excuse me. What is the baby's name?" and then said "Hello Savannah!" to the cute baby girl in the car seat. You make me so proud and so happy on such a regular basis. People can't help but smile when they're around you. That is a gift. And it is one I hope you never stop sharing with the world!

Despite the fact that you talk almost CONSTANTLY you also find a lot of time to play and have fun. Lately you love to play with playdoh and you continue to love trucks, cars, fire engines, rockets, and helicopters. Your imagination has EXPLODED lately. The stories you act out involving cars stuck on mountains, cars that need rescuing because they caught on fire, rockets flying to the moon, or animals playing with their friends are fun to be a part of and a joy to listen to. You like to play with the Ipad (though we limit your time spent doing this!). For many months you especially loved the "Trucks" game in which you can change the tires on the cars with a flat tire. You're also now rather smitten with a few apps we have that involve building and launching rockets. The ease with which you quickly figure out the intricacies of each of these games never ceases to amaze me (though I also know this is normal for your generation of kiddos who is growing up with technology truly at your finger tips). You still absolutely LOVE to play outside. You may be happiest when playing at the playground, riding in your toy car with PopPop, or digging in the dirt with your many trucks. And yet, you love rainbows and playing with your new dollhouse. You affirm and defy gender stereotypes on a daily basis and I love it!

I could go on and on trying to capture the person you are in writing and I will never do you justice. You're amazing in my book, little Bubba! And one day, when you're much older, and you go back and read this letter, I hope that above all what will stand out is how very much I love you and am proud of you. You are a wonderful son. Being your Mama is the greatest privilege of my life!

As we await your little brother's arrival, I can't wait to watch you grow not only as a boy, and a son, but as a brother. You already show such concern and consideration for your baby bro. You ask, "Is Baby Zachary hungry, too?" when you're hungry. You wonder whether he will like the same activities you do. You give my belly hugs and say, "I love you Baby Zachary!" I have confidence you're going to be an amazing big brother. But I also know it will be challenging for you at times. But please, Ryan, do not ever forget how very much Mommy and Daddy love you and always will!

Happy 3rd Birthday Sweet Boy! I love you sooooooooo much!

Always,

Mama

Newborn

One Year

2 Years

3 Years

On Caring for Real People

Today, Election Day, I was trying to stay non-political on all forms of Social Media. I proudly voted this morning, perhaps more proudly today than any other election year, not because of the Presidential Election, but because of so many social issues on the ballot here in Maryland about which I feel so strongly. I am more anxiously awaiting the results of the Marriage Equality Act and the "Dream Act" (its not called that on a State level, but its the State equivalent of it) tonight than I am the results of the Presidential election, because these are results that will immediately and greatly impact the lives of so many real people in a profound way. And so, I will go ahead and be political today, because I want my boys (one almost three years, one to be born in two months) to know that they come from a family that cares about people, above all else.


Dear Ryan and Baby Boy #2,

Today is a special day in our country, the United States of America. It is a day in which we get to vote and voice our opinion about what is best for our Nation, our State, and our Communities. It is a day that many men and woman have fought hard over the years to make sure we all get to continue to participate in. It is a day that makes many Americans feel very proud.

This year is a Presidential election year, which means it is a year in which we, the American People choose who will be the leader of our Country for the next 4 years. Many people feel very strongly about who to vote for. And your Daddy and I are certainly two of those people. And while I won't go into detail, I hope, when you're older, that no matter who you vote for, you will vote for the person who you believe truly cares the most about all Americans. I hope you will vote for the person that wants all people treated fairly and with respect. The person who doesn't want to limit the rights of others because of who they decide to love. I hope you will vote for the person who seems like they will do the most to protect this great Earth we have been allowed to inhabit.  Vote for the the person that you think will try his/her hardest to do the right thing for the most people.

This year in Maryland, our State, not only do we have the chance to vote for our President, but we have the chance to vote on two very important social issues. These are issues that affect the every day lives of many people. One of these issues is allowing people who came here to the United States, from other countries, as children, to attend Maryland Colleges and Universities, and pay the same amount as people who were born in the United States. This is important because even though these people may have been brought to the USA by their parents, and it may not have been legal, they were children and didn't know any better and didn't have a choice. They have grown up here and many of them view America as their Country. As long as they have been good citizens, meaning they follow the laws and are kind to others, then they deserve to go to college for the same price as the two of you. This will make college much more affordable for these young people, so more of them will be able to go to school, and they deserve that opportunity.

The second Social Issue is what is called Marriage Equality. This is a law, that if passed will allow any person living in Maryland to marry any other person they love. Some families have a Mommy and a Daddy like our family. Other families have two Mommies and other families have two Daddies. Currently, in the families with two Mommies or two Daddies, the mommies and daddies can't get married. But this new law will allow anyone, 2 boys, 2 girls, or 1 boy and 1 girl to get married, as long as they are old enough and not related to each other. This is the way it should be. Marriage is a very special thing. It is a celebration of love and a commitment to another person forever. Whether you're a man who loves a man, a woman who loves a woman, or a man who loves a woman, you should be allowed to openly show your love and make it official through marriage. If Maryland passes this law, we will be the first State in the US to pass such a law by voting. And I will be soooooo proud to be a Marylander! Almost as proud as I am to be your Mommy!

I hope as you both get older that you will always remember how important Election Day is. You should ALWAYS vote when you have the chance. And when you vote, do your best to vote in a way that you believe will result in the most good for the most people. No candidate will ever be perfect. But follow your heart no matter what.

Love, Mama

4 months!?!?!?

Yikes, the last time I logged in here to post anything was June 24th. That means it has been more than 4 months since I last posted. I guess when you feel awful for 21 weeks straight (including one visit to the ER for fluids), and then feel COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED for the next 2 months or so, that it takes its toll on one's motivation to blog. I typically blog during nap time, and until recently, nap time for the kiddos has meant nap time for me. I am a little less exhausted these days so I have thought more about blogging.  However, there were SOOOO many awesome things that happened since June 24th that I wanted to blog about and I felt like I had to go back and start with June 25th and catch up. But the number of "Oh! I need to blog about that!" posts kept piling up, and I began to feel like I would never again find the motivation to blog again, if I didn't just start. So, here I am starting again. I may on occasion try to go back and document (for Ryan's sake) some of those great outings/adventures, but if I don't get to it, that's OK too.

So, where does one start when they haven't blogged in over 4 months? I will say that pregnancy when you're not constantly sick is SO much more enjoyable! But man, even when I'm feeling well, its still so much harder this time than it was the first time. Getting up and down off the ground as many times a day as one does with a toddler (I'm a get down and play with my little guy kind of mom) is exhausting. And yet, there are still so many amazing moments that I just want to cherish forever. This little baby moves a LOT! I thought his big brother was a mover, but he had nothing on this kid. I hope that doesn't mean this little guy (yes, we found out its a boy!) will be a spaz when he comes out! No matter what, we'll love him to pieces! In fact, we already do! Every night, I try to lay on the couch for at least a few minutes in a particular position that always makes him move like crazy. I feel like this is our special time in which I can focus solely on him. Matt reads to my belly often, though, sadly not as much as we did with Ryan. (See above mention of exhaustion. Once the day ends we hit the sack and we're ready to go to sleep ASAP!) But the little guy does seem to respond when he hears his Daddy's voice, and that too is a special moment.

Already, watching Ryan as a big brother is a joy. He asks often (though not daily as he had been for a while) "When will Baby (insert name that we're not making FULLY public yet) pop out?" He now understands that Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all have to happen before little brother makes his appearance. After today he can check one of those milestones off the list! Ryan has felt his little brother move a few times and now can often be found saying, "Look! I have a baby in my belly! Feel it!" He'll then have you put your hand on his belly and he'll jerk his belly out and say, "Did you feel him?!" I'm biased, I know. But its pretty darn cute! Ryan also incorporates his little brother into our day. If we do something fun sometimes he'll say, "Do you think Baby_____ will like going to the park, too?!" Or "Do you think Baby ____ will like fall festivals, too!?" I love that he already thinks about him and is making him a part of our daily life.

I can't wait to watch the relationship between Ryan and his brother develop. My two older brothers have a wonderful relationship. I am pretty certain they consider each other their best friends. And while that may not have always been the case growing up, they have always been close. I hope that Ryan and his little brother will be able to say the same when they're older. And, I hope that any other children we may have will benefit from their awesome relationship in the same way I have from my brothers' relationship. I am very lucky to have them both.

Well, that's enough of a start for now. Here's hoping you read a lot more from me from here on out (though, who are we kidding, come January, when the baby is due, I am sure we will have another long gap again!).

I Want to Be a Part of It....

Last weekend we took a trip to New York for Matt's company's annual Summer Picnic. We had been looking forward to this since last year, when Matt went by himself. It was Matt's first year working for the company, and not knowing what to expect at the picnic, we decided we weren't brave enough to venture there with Ryan who was only about 17 months at the time. But after Matt returned, with stories of amusement park rides, carnival games, amazing food, mini golf, paint ball, and a boat ride out to the island where the picnic is held, we decided a full family trip was in order the following year.

And so, we spent the few weeks prior preparing Ryan for our trip to the Big City of New York. Matt told him about the bumper cars, and the boat, and the subway train. We talked about playing games, minigolf, and seeing huuuuuge buildings. It was Ryan's first trip to New York and we couldn't wait to experience it with him. So, last Saturday morning, we left our house and headed on our way.

We decided to take a different route, through Pennsylvania that would allow us to avoid the New Jersey Turnpike, Matt's least favorite road in the world, which has proven extremely traffic-filled on all of our recent trips North. Well, needless to say (and I won't say whose fault it was...ah hem!) we ended up taking Route 76 outside of Harrisburg instead of Route 78, and guess where we were headed on Route 76???? That's right! Directly towards the New Jersey Turnpike! ARGH! We stopped and bought a map and managed to find our way to Route 78 but not without losing about 1.5 hours. Ryan was a champ the whole time. Either watching a video, listening to music, or napping.

We then finally made it into the city. We announced our arrival to Ryan who was so far less than impressed (he couldn't see too much from his vantage point in the back of the van). We put the address of the hotel into our Garmin and Matt did an excellent job navigating through the city. As we were driving, every time Matt honked his horn, or swerved to miss hitting a rogue taxi, Ryan would pipe up and say, "Are we in New York?" He had a sense already that this was an exciting, busy town.

We should have realized it before we did. But sadly, we didn't. I am not particularly familiar with NYC, and Matt was just focused on not getting crashed into (a minivan in NYC is a challenge indeed!). And so, when we pulled up to the address of our "hotel" we were a bit confused. It was a run down brownstone, with shady characters standing outside. I looked at Matt and said, "Only the best for (insert company's name here)'s employees!" Much to our frustration, our Garmin had taken us to 212 E. 42nd Street in Brooklyn, not Manhattan. So, that meant we had to drive ALLLLLLL the way back through the city practically to the point where we entered the city in the first place. We eventually arrived at what ended up being a very nice hotel a few blocks from Times Square, but this was after we had spent 2 hours simply driving back and forth through NYC. We valeted our car on the company's dime and headed inside to quickly put our luggage down before we headed to the picnic....FINALLY!

Ryan was excited. And despite the 7 hours he had just spent in the car (as opposed to the expected 4) he was still in great spirits. We loaded him into the BOB stroller and headed to the ferry. We got on the boat and he could not stop asking questions and pointing at the many exciting things he saw. "What's dat, Dada!" "Mama! Look! Look at dat big air plane!" "Dada, is the boat going yet?" "Oh wow! Dis is fun!" (when the boat hit some big waves). It was a true joy to experience NYC for the first time all over again through his two year old eyes. This is the reason we came in the first place and suddenly all the wrong turns suddenly seemed worth it.

Looking out the window on the Ferry and loving EVERY minute! 

The ferry pulled up to Randall's island and we headed to the picnic. There were tons of people and we grabbed some food first. The food was great as far as Matt and I were concerned, but a little too gourmet for a two year-old's taste buds. But, they did have hot dogs (a rare treat for Ryan, who has only had one once or twice before). But, they did not have knives. None. Zippo anywhere on the island. So, being the cautious parents we are, we managed to use two forks and our fingers to cut the hot dog in half length wise so as not to be such a choking hazard. But of course Ryan didn't want it in a bun. He wanted a tortilla. We found one. So, Ryan ate french fries and a tortilla wrapped hot dog for dinner. Yuuuuuum! ;) He also thoroughly enjoyed the fresh squeezed lemonade and the strawberries and blueberries we eventually found while exploring the rest of the island.

Sadly, we were disappointed by the activities. They had clearly scaled back this year. Ryan was too short for the much anticipated bumper cars.  But, we were soooo proud of him when we had to break this news to him. He took it in stride and just said, "I just have to grow bigger!" The only other ride he could get on was the carousel and there were no carnival games to play this year or Minigolf. So, we came all the way to NYC to ride a carousel. Well, not really, but to say we were a little disappointed was an understatement. (Though, really we shouldn't complain. We had a weekend in NYC that we didn't have to pay a penny for. So, thank you Matt's company!) And Ryan, true to form, was still doing fairly well, despite the fact that we were bumping up against his bed time. Keep in mind that throughout all of this I was still feeling nauseous and exhausted, but I had not lost any meals in 24 hours, so, VICTORY!

Checking out the big city down below. We were on the 42nd (top) floor of the hotel!

(Why Blogger turns pictures I have already rotated I will never know. But, that is the Chrysler building as seen from our hotel room)

We headed back on the ferry, and back to our  hotel. He was a little tearful on the stroller ride to the hotel saying, "I want to go home, not to da hotel!" But, when we got back to our room, he enjoyed jumping on the King sized bed and managed to convince us that sleeping with us in the big bed was a grand idea. And it ended up being....for Matt. Ryan snuggled his little head against Matt all night, while turned sideways in the huge bed, and managed to kick me in the stomach and head all night long. Did I mention I was exhausted? 

In the morning Ryan woke right at 7:00, as is his usual and wanted to "go downstairs to eat." He didn't understand that there was no "downstairs" in our little room. But we ate fruit and cereal in the room and after we were showered he headed to Dunkin Donuts with Daddy so Mommy could rest a little. We then headed, on the Subway to Levain bakery. Along the way we walked through Time Square and Ryan loved all the lights and people. He was also thrilled to finally ride the Subway train. (He has been on the metro in DC before, but I don't know if he remembers).  If you have never been to Levain and tried their cookies you MUST GO! We stocked up on cookies  and a chocolate brioche (soooo good!) and then headed to Central Park were Daddy and Ryan played for a bit while Mommy sat and rested. After that it was back on the Subway, to the hotel, and to home.

But, of course it wasn't that easy. A train broke down on our line and we waited nearly 40 minutes for a train to come. Ryan was great though and enjoyed the people watching in the station. We then had to take a different train, which meant a longer walk to our hotel (did I mention my exhaustion??) but we finally made it back (after stopping to buy Gyros on the street which were DELICIOUS, and Ryan loved, but um, just a little messy to eat while walking) packed up, and headed out; Only 2 hours later than we had planned.

Looking back Matt and I wondered if it was all worth it. We weren't sure. But with a day or two's distance behind us we decided that yes, indeed it was. Ryan loved almost every minute of it. He was clueless to the fact that we were "late" for much of our trip. And, it was the last time we will be able to go to New York as just a family of three. Ryan deserved to have this special memory with just the three of us. And despite the fact that we didn't take nearly as many pictures as I had planned, I hope he never forgets it!


(If you made it to the end of this novel, you are a champ. I mostly wrote this for the benefit of our own little family's written history. But thanks for reading. And I hope it was at least a little enjoyable).