Friday, September 26, 2014

My Bladder is NOT a Trampoline and Other Messages to my Unborn Son

My Dear Connor,

In 5 days you will be joining our family in the flesh. You will make us a party of 5, you will give us the trifecta of three beautiful little boys. You will complete us. There are so many things I want to tell you about the last 9 months. This being my last pregnancy, I've tried to cherish it as much as I could (while chasing around your two older brothers full time)!

First of all, you should know how very much you were wanted and dreamed of. And over the past 9 months, as I have soaked in this pregnancy, I have felt certain that yes, you are the final puzzle piece to our little family. We always felt deep down that three kids was our "magic number." I am certain of that now. I'm sure there will be plenty of very not-so-magical moments in the days, weeks, and years to come, when Daddy and I will say, "What were we thinking!?" but magical or not, I don't expect to doubt the fact that yes, you are the last person who will grow inside me and it was meant to be that way. And for that, this pregnancy will always have a special place in my heart.

As much as pregnancy is similar each time, it is also very different. Yes, you made me feel QUITE ill for the first 26 weeks (though, I'm very thankful for the medicine Declegis which was a life saver and at least stopped the throwing up!) just like your brother Zachary did. And yes, I've been very tired being pregnant and parenting two other little guys. But feeling you growing inside me has been amazing. I have a feeling you're bigger than either of your brothers were at birth. You just push against all parts of my body in ways your brothers never did. You seem to think my bladder is a trampoline (FYI: Its not!!), which neither of your brothers did. You bounce and bounce on it, much to my displeasure. One would expect that being the third, there would be more room in there for you, but it sure doesn't feel like it! Your little feet and elbows and hands seem to be trying to explode through the wall that is my skin, and while it's not comfortable, its also amazing. I can tell exactly how you are situated in my belly and when a little nubbin of you goes across my skin I can, with almost certainty, tell which part of your little body it is. Maybe this is because I've done this three times now. But I also think that because you're bigger (or so I think) you've stayed in one position for a while and so its not such a guessing game. I've loved getting to know you in this way, and while I can't wait to meet you in person, I'll also be a little sad to never feel those amazing little punches and kicks ever again. Thank you for giving me that gift a third time.

Connor, you should also know that you're coming into a family that is SOOOO excited to meet you! Daddy and I are of course anticipating your joyful arrival. We're anxious about how we will all adjust, but we are just so excited to meet you! But one of the things that brings Daddy and I the most joy is watching your brothers.

Ryan is SO. VERY. EXCITED. We made a count down to your birth about a month ago. Ryan takes off one link of the chain every morning. He never forgets or has to be reminded. He then announces to Daddy and I how many days are left. He also will tell nearly everyone we see. To the lady in the grocery store, "We're having a baby in 5 days!" To his teacher at school, "We're having a baby in 5 days!" To a new neighbor we've never met before, "We're having a baby in 5 days!" To a stranger we cross paths with on a walk, "We're having a baby in 5 days!"  He can't wait to meet you, to help with you, and love you. I think anticipating you, and thinking about what it means to be a "Big Brother" has also made him a better big brother to Zachary, too. He has recently developed into a big brother who wants to teach Zach new things, help him, and share life with him more. He no longer sees Zach as just a nuisance who takes his toys. Maybe it's Zach getting older. But, I think it has to do with you, too. And that, the interaction of three siblings as opposed to just two is why Daddy and I so wanted three children. I can't wait to see how that will play out over the years!

Speaking of Zachary, he is anticipating your arrival in his own way as well. He gives spontaneous kisses to my belly throughout the day. He tries to share his snacks with you by putting food up to my belly button. He points to my belly, and with a questioning tone, says, "Baby?" Also, any time we get in the car these days he points to your carseat, sitting next to him and says, "Baby!" He must be so very confused. We keep talking about you, this "Baby" who will be joining our family, but Zach who has no concept of time must be thinking, "When the heck will he get here!?!?!" So, it will be joyful to watch him with you, not just with a hypothetical baby that he can't see and touch.

It is an amazing thing to know that in 5 short days our family will be complete. I feel a sense of peace and contentment that I've never felt before. (I'm also a nervous wreck and want to be the best mom I can be to all THREE of my boys, but I think those conflicting emotions are normal). Most of all, I'm just anxious for you to be here!

Connor, I cannot wait to meet you! I am so excited about your birth, a very special "Family Centered C-Section" that we have been carefully planning for months. I can't wait to watch you emerge from my belly. I can't wait to touch you as soon as you are born. I simply cannot wait to meet you, my sweet, beautiful, baby boy.

I love you so very much already!



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