Connor Matthew: 11 Months

Dearest Connor,

Somehow we are only one month away from your 1st birthday. I truly cannot believe it. While Ryan started Kindergarten this week, and I somehow did not get too emotional about that, I can tell you with certainty that I will be VERY emotional when you turn one. You're my sweet baby. My last. My littlest guy. I wish I could just stop time and keep you this little forever. And yet, you're such a joyful, special little boy that I am simultaneously excited to see what the future holds and to learn more about the little person you will become.

So, what have you been up to in the past month? Well, you continue to be our "HappyConnorC" who smiles constantly. You laugh the funniest laugh. Its actually more of a cackle. You babble and "talk" all the time. You seem to constantly be "saying" something, though we often have no idea what it is. You also do this rather obnoxious yelling thing anytime you want something or someone. You point and yell and reach for whatever it is you want. I do not remember your brothers doing this and I'm not quite sure how to get you to stop! While I am confident that I will never have to worry about you making your voice heard as the youngest of three boys, I am eager for you to be able to say actual words instead of yelling!

But you do have a few actual words. You say "Mama" very clearly and often. I hear you say Dada too, sometimes, but its more often when Daddy isn't here and you seem to be looking for him. You say "Ha" and "Bah" (hi and bye) and wave while doing so. And goodness do you LOVE to wave! You wave at anyone and everyone and you bring frequent smiles to strangers everywhere we go. One of my favorite things about having a baby in tow is the ability to bring joy to other people with such ease. Connor, you do this so naturally as a little guy and I hope that is a trait that will stay with you throughout your life.

You are a great eater, and not such a great sleeper. I may have finally figured out how to avoid a picky eater by the third kid (you'll eat just about anything I put in front of you), but the sleep thing I still haven't figured out. Although, that's because with you (and with Zach) I've taken a much more relaxed view of sleep and most nights just let you join Daddy and me in our bed. That allows everyone to get more sleep!

You continue to love your brothers fiercely and are perhaps at your happiest whenever they are around. Now that Ryan goes to school every day you and Zachary are starting to interact more and more. And every day when we pick Ryan up at school it is so cute to see you eagerly looking for him and then get so excited when he is finally there.

You continue to be very much a Mama's boy, but you are getting more and more used to NeeNee and PopPop. Living here with them, while we wait for our new house to be built, is challenging for all of us. Its certainly no one's fault (well....it might be a little bit our fault. It has to be pretty miserable for NeeNee and PopPop to have their lives invaded by all of us!). But, the absolute BEST part of living with them is seeing the relationship develop between them and you. I have a feeling you will have an extra special bond with your NeeNee and PopPop, and that's saying something, since they already have such a special bond with your big brothers!

In other news, you love crawling up the stairs. And if I take my eyes off you for even a few seconds I can be certain to find you on the stairs, crawling your way up, usually laughing hysterically as you go. Whenever I come around the corner and find you, you start giggling even harder. You know you're not supposed to go up by yourself and yet, you do it anyway, all. the. time. 

And perhaps the biggest news of all, is that you started walking! (Note: I started writing this on your actual 11-month-day, and I'm not finishing it until today, September 3rd) But just this morning, the 3rd, you took your first independent steps. You'll be flying around the house on two feet in no time! You were quite proud of yourself this morning after you took those first few precarious steps! 

Booyah! I can walk!! 

Connor, while I can't believe you're already 11 months, I also can't believe we ever lived without you. You bring such joy to our every day lives. You add to the immense joy we already felt from Ryan and Zachary. We are so glad you're a part our family, and we can't wait to watch you grow (well, we could wait a little....you're just so much fun right now...minus the screaming for stuff you want. ;)

Happy 11-month-day, Sweet Boy! I love you more than you will ever know!

Love always,

Mama

Connor Matthew: 10 Months!

My Dearest Connor,

Today you turned 10 months old. I always find the 10 month mark a little bitter sweet. It's the point where you've officially been out of my belly longer than you've been in it. And it is a reminder of how fleeting those pregnant moments are. I know I will never feel the flutter of little kicks from inside ever again. And while pregnancy can sometimes seem to last forever, it really goes by so quickly. I cannot believe that you've been out and about in this world for 10 months! I look at pictures from a year ago, when you weren't here yet and it seems like yesterday. And yet, remembering our family life without you is hard to do!

I apologize that I didn't write a post when you turned 9 months. As I mentioned when you turned 8 months, I expected that might happen. July was a BUSY month. We moved on July 2nd, one day after your 9 month-day. So, while I am amazed I remembered to take pictures for your 9th month, I did not find the time to blog. And, honestly, its probably just as well. I was a little stressed out with life at that point in time. Who knows what that post would have said! But one thing I can say, is that despite the stress of moving, you were a constant reminder to just soak in the moments and not wish them away. I think as my youngest, you will always be a reminder of that for me. Its easy, when going through life with three little people to wish for the future....when you and your brothers will be more self sufficient; When you won't need me for every. single. thing. And yet, when I think of that, of not being needed as much, I can feel the tears brimming behind my eyes. I know I'll miss these moments. And so, I'm doing my best to soak them in the best I can.

 

And Connor, there is so much about you to soak in. You are just a joy. You smile often (just check out the HappyConnorC hashtag on Instagram for proof!...Will all those hashtags still exist when you're 30 and one day reading this?? I hope so!) and you giggle delightedly. Your laugh is truly contagious. You wave hello and goodbye at anyone who will wave back. You have mastered clapping and you do it any chance you get, particularly for yourself when you stand all by yourself. You get the biggest smile on your face, clap excitedly, and just wait for someone to clap with you and say, "Yaaaaayyy!" You say "Mama" as clear as day, and sometimes, I think I hear you say "Dada," even if its not as clear yet. You crawl anywhere and everywhere, pull up on everything and cruise around furniture, along railings, and up steps. You can't make your way down yet, and have precariously tumbled a few times off the single step between NeeNee and PopPop's kitchen and family room. Who knew one little step could be so pesky!

And while you are happy most of the time, that's not to say you're never sad or angry. You're very strong willed. If someone takes something from you that you want (but can't have) or tells you no about something you're trying to do, you yell and screech and have even been known to throw your little body backwards in protest or lay face first on the ground. Oh, your toddlerhood is going to be awesome!

But, I am certain your happy, strong-willed nature will serve you well as the youngest of three boys. I have no doubt that you will never let your older brothers take advantage of you. At least I hope not. Speaking of your brothers, they both continue to love you tremendously. Ryan still dotes on you and loves being the biggest big brother who can truly help with you at times. He will often play with you in your crib in the morning while I am getting ready since there is really no "safe" place for you to play upstairs at NeeNee and PopPop's house. Zachary is beginning to realize that you can now get into his stuff and thus you're a bit of a bother to him at times, but overall, he sees you as his "baby Don-na" (he cannot say Connor well, despite the fact that he now talks up a storm!) whom he enjoys playing with and he loves being "the big helper in our family" as Daniel Tiger says. I love watching the two of you play together and lately Zach has been asking to "read" books to you and it is so cute to see him make up stories as he turns the pages in books for you. I've told you this before, and I'll say it again: Your brothers will never be replaced. They are your first friends. They will one day be the only other people who remember your childhood. Cherish them. Love them. Forgive them. Call them (no, texting is not the same. Don't let anyone say it is. Pick up the phone. Hear each other's voices, and check in!). Enjoy them.

We've been busy the past few months not only with packing and moving out of our home, but also with fun. We went on your first ever full family vacation just two days after moving out of our house and into NeeNee and PopPop's house. The timing was terrible (we'd planned this vacation long before we ever knew we'd be selling our house!), but we still had a blast. Together with NeeNee, PopPop, Uncle John, Auntie Cindy, Uncle Mark, Auntie Catharine, Caitlin, Julia, and James we all stayed in a gorgeous big beach house in Bethany Beach, Delaware. You saw the Ocean for the first time, tried to eat the sand, rode a carousel for the first time, went swimming in the pool in our backyard daily, and just generally were a pleasant little guy to be around despite all the many changes that were going on in all of our lives (I don't think you had any idea where "home" was at that time). You had your moments, but for the most part you thoroughly enjoyed having all your brothers, cousins, uncles, aunts, and of course beloved NeeNee and PopPop all within such close proximity. We made many very special memories and had a blast!

Connor, you are so very, very, very loved, and I hope you never, ever forget that. We have so enjoyed you being in our life for the past 10 months and we can't wait to see what the next 1,000 months have in store!

Happy 10-Month Day!

Love,

Mama

The First of Many Graduations

Dear Ryan,

About 2 weeks ago you graduated from Preschool, Crofton Nursery School (CNS) to be exact. It was a wonderful little school with lots of parent involvement, and Daddy and I got to watch you blossom from a little boy who cried every day for the first three weeks of school during your "3s" year to a boy who bounded out of the car with such excitement each day of your "4s" year that you often forgot to toss a hurried "I love you, too!" my way as you headed out of the car and into your beloved school.

CNS was a place where you learned to love school. And that is all I wanted from your preschool experience. Yes, you made friends, and grew to understand the "social norms" of a classroom setting, and you learned about numbers, and bugs, and letters, and colors, and patterns, and experimenting, and fun. But mostly, you just loved going there, and that's all that mattered to me.

At your preschool graduation I saw so many moms who were teary, and emotional, and a little sad to see their sweet babies growing up. And I  totally get that. Really, I do. I look back at your newborn pictures and wonder where the heck the past 5 years have gone. But most of all, as I sat at your preschool graduation, watching you sing songs with enthusiasm, watching you do all the hand motions with precision, and watching you wink at me occasionally when you knew you were singing one of my favorite songs, the thing I was most thinking about is how every excited I am for you. This was just your first school experience...The first of many graduations to come. So much more lies ahead of you. I know you will thrive in school. You are inquisitive, eager, excited, determined, and kind. Every time I read a non-fiction book with you, either about trains, or trucks, or most recently about volcanoes I just love how you absorb every detail of information. You take it in. You swish it around in your brain for a bit, and then a few minutes, hours, or days later you come back with wonderful questions that show how you've assimilated all the information and are working to make even more sense of it all.

And so, instead of being sad that you're growing up (though, I'm not gonna lie, I still can't believe you're such a boy and not a baby anymore) I am just so thrilled that you are coming up on a point in your life where you will really take off, and develop new interests, and learn new skills, and explore talents you didn't even know you had. You're gonna do great, sweet boy. Kindergarten is going to be amazing!

Until then, let's enjoy this summer and soak in as much fun as we can. Because while I am soooo excited for you to begin "big kid" school, I can NOT believe that in a few short months you will spend the majority of every day not with me. I'm going to miss you! But I will so look forward to your stories when you come home (because really, you better not pull that whole "How was your day? Good. What did you do? Nothing. BS that I (and every other kid ever) has pulled on their parents. I want details, little man. I want to hear all about the new worlds opening up to you! You'll be the pilot, please take me along for the ride!

I love you, more than you'll ever know!

Always,

Mama

Connor Matthew: 7 Months

Dear Connor,

7 months??? Seriously? Where has the time gone. I can still vividly remember the day you were born and the amazing experience of our "Family Centered C-section" like it was yesterday. Since I last wrote you a letter a lot more people have heard about your birth! You see, your birth was kind of a big deal. It was the first "Family Centered C-section" at the hospital where you were delivered. And because of that, we've been in the news a lot. We were on NPR, where people all over the world (millions of people actually) heard your first cries. There were blog posts about us, newspaper articles, and soon we're going to be on TV! Because of you sweet boy, lots and lots of other mommies, daddies, and babies are having better birth experiences and that is pretty amazing! You've made such a difference in this world already, and you're only seven months old!

But most of all, you've made a difference in our family. Having you around is just such a breath of fresh air. When your big brothers act a little crazy, you are my calm. You are the one I can just hold, and snuggle, and breath in deeply and say, "this too shall pass" about whatever chaos is going on. I know you won't stay this way forever, and already we are seeing signs of you wanting to grow up faster than we'd like, but I sure am going to soak in all your sweet baby moments while I can.

You bring calm and kindness to your brothers too. I continue to love watching Ryan and Zachary connect with you. They look out for you, worry about you, and seek to make you happy. Ryan makes you giggle more than anyone else and I can already tell you and Zach are gonna be great buds. You love to try to grab Zach's passy from him at bedtime. And when you do he giggles and says, "No, no Donna (yeah, when he says Connor it sounds like "Donna")!" and you smile and laugh right back...until you realize he isn't giving you that passy and then you start to fuss. But he will then immediately run and get you another one of his pacifiers, which you simply want to chew on and play with. (We're lucky, you could care less about sucking on a passy. And you didn't become a finger sucker as I originally thought you might. Hooray!!)  Its fun to watch the two of you interact and it makes my heart smile every time.

As I mentioned, you definitely want to grow up faster than you are. You are DESPERATE to be able to move around on your own and it frustrates you greatly that you can't yet join your brothers in all their antics. You want to move, and you want to move NOW! You sit all by yourself like a pro now, and don't ever topple over anymore. You love to be held and snuggle, but if your brothers are nearby you squirm and wiggle until you get a good view of them and you squeal in delight at watching them. You're not crawling yet, but I don't think it will be too much longer until you are.

You continue to be such a joyful, happy baby. Recently, we put you in the jumperoo (it was the second time, but the first time you really were too small) and you just LOVED it. I was planning to sell it at a yard sale. But I think this video makes it clear that I certainly can't do that!


 And as joyful as you are, there are other parts of your personality that are beginning to shine through. You have strong opinions and you voice them clearly. If you get a hold of something that you can't have, you make the saddest face and cry huge crocodile tears when it is take away from you. If you want to be held and no one is obliging, you will cry and fuss to such a degree that someone not in the know would think you were hurt. But, you always recover quickly. Its like someone is turning off a switch as soon as the situation is remedied to your satisfaction. But really, this is such a tiny portion of the way you spend your time. Mostly, you are just a happy, go with the flow guy.

Connor, in the 7 months that you have been here you have become an integral part of our family. I can't imagine life without you and I sure am glad that I don't have to!

Happy 7-month-day!

Love always,

Mama

P.S. I missed your six month-day post. But here are some of those pictures:

Zachary Joseph: 2 Years

Dearest Zachary,

I sit here tonight trying to think of exactly how to capture the little ball of energy, attitude, and love that is you by simply using words. You see, words are not yet your expertise. And yet, there is soooo much about you that needs capturing at this stage in your life. I'll do my best.

Last night I lay in bed, thinking back two years ago, and I remembered being sooooo anxious to meet you. I was thrilled to be welcoming another little person into the world. And yet, I was also so worried. I was worried about how I would find room in my heart for TWO little people. I worried about how Ryan would adjust to having a baby brother. I worried about how Daddy and I would balance caring for two sweet boys, when we'd just started to feel like we'd mastered caring for one. (Little did we know we'd be welcoming a third little boy less than two years later!) I had so much worry in my heart that night, and it was all for naught. The moment you were born, you just fit perfectly into our life. My heart grew and was filled with more love than I could imagine! You continue to carve out your niche in our family every single day. You are your own little person; truly unique and special.

Zachary, you are full of passion and emotion. You feel strongly about so many things. As I mentioned above you are not yet a masterful talker. Don't get me wrong. You have LOTS of words and you learn new ones every day. You are putting two, and occasionally three words together now and every day you come up with new combinations. Just the other day you started saying, "No, no, Mommy," with such conviction and "I love you too!" The "too" is new and the way you say it just melts my heart. But, because words are not yet your strong point, you often get so darn frustrated when you can't communicate what it is you want to say or when we don't understand what you're saying. You sometimes get so frustrated you just throw yourself down on the ground and yell. You don't really thrown "tantrums" per say, but your little body just can't bare the frustration and you collapse into a puddle. I'm sorry we don't always understand you. But now, and as you get older, I promise I will always do everything I can to understand you and help you no matter what you're thinking, feeling, or experiencing.

You also get so frustrated when Ryan, your ever trying to be helpful big brother tries to talk for you. Sometimes he is able to figure out what you're saying when no one else can. But other times he thinks he knows what you're saying and he's wrong and this makes you so mad. I hate seeing you get so frustrated. But, I am also glad to see you always keep at it. It would be easy to just give up and not try to get your message across. But you don't. You always keep trying. You're very persistent, and we almost always figure it out. I hope this persistence will serve you well throughout life.

But it is not just frustration that you feel so strongly. Zachary, you are innately loving, caring and compassionate. You took to being a big brother immediately when Connor was born. You loved him from the moment you met him. When Connor cries, you get very worried. As long as you know someone is addressing his needs you're fine. But at night, sometimes when I am snuggling with you before bed Connor may start to cry. You always say, "Baby? eye-ing!" (crying). And I assure you that Daddy is taking care of him. When we're all downstairs, if Connor starts crying and I am unable to get to him immediately you always come running and say, "Mama! Baby! Eye-ing!" Sometimes you try to help him yourself. You'll try to put his passy back in or you'll wipe his mouth with a burp cloth if he spit up. You constantly check in on him, and are perpetually telling me if the baby is awake, "wake!" or asleep, "baby, night-night!" You are ever aware of your baby brother and it is heartwarming to see. You seem to have a far greater sensitivity to his needs than most kiddos your age do for their little siblings. I hope you remain a sensitive, caring, and compassionate boy always.

Its not just Baby Connor who is the beneficiary of your kindness. Ryan, too is a lucky boy to have you as his brother. Anytime I am getting you a snack, or on occasion, a treat, before I even have a chance to say anything you always say, "Eye-an?" As in, "Make sure you give me some for Ryan." And if I give you two of something, you always give the second one to Ryan, even if I intended them both for you. When Ryan is at preschool and we go to the park or to watch trucks at the construction site, you always ask about him. You say, "Eye-an? Home?" (When will Ryan be home?) Its like you know he's missing out on something fun and you want him to be a part of it. You love your big brother fiercely. You love playing with him and typically, if you and I start to play a game or read a book its not good enough to just have me involved. You want Ryan to be a part of it too. And he, being the great big brother that he is usually obliges you, even when he doesn't really want to. You're lucky boys to have each other and I hope the love you share never, ever fades.

I couldn't effectively capture you at this fun age of two without talking about what a Mama's boy you are. You've always been a pretty clingy little guy. You've always loved being held and snuggled, especially by me. But ever since Connor was born and I was away from home for three nights your "Mama's-boy-ness" has magnified times a thousand. You won't let Daddy tuck you in at night or give you breakfast in the morning and for a while you didn't want to let Daddy change your diaper or get you dressed. "No! Mommy!" is a phrase that probably broke Daddy's heart a few too many times in the past months. And I'm not gonna lie, I love you to PIECES but if you'd let Daddy be a little more involved, that would make life a lot easier. And yet, I know this phase is fleeting, and so, I'm trying at the same time to soak it in. Being a mommy is such an exercise in dichotomies and you seem to constantly put those dichotomies on display!

Speaking of Daddy, even though there are some things you refuse to let him do, there are others that he does best! You love to play the "Mouse" game where Daddy runs around chasing you with the little wind-up mouse that makes a funny noise. Often, when Daddy is at work you will go to find the mouse and say, "Daddy? Home?" You would never even consider asking me to play this game with you. It is Daddy's game and you know that. It is sacred territory on which I will not tread! You also love when Daddy does the "Up" game in which he sits you on top of his head and then flips you down. You love to go to the park with Daddy, to help put out the recycling, to put in the laundry, and to get the mail. These are all "Daddy activities," and you smile from ear to ear whenever you do them with him.

I have to give Daddy credit. He is tremendously patient with you, and tries really hard to find ways to connect with you and have special time with you despite your mommycentric behavior. You love your Daddy and Daddy loves you sooooo much!

Speaking of people who love you so much, I couldn't write this letter without talking about the special relationship you share with NeeNee and PopPop. You just adore them. As I write this letter, I realize that you, for such a little boy, have done an amazing job of creating unique relationships with many of the people in your life. What I am going to say next is going to make it sound like you love NeeNee and PopPop just for the things they give you. And that is not true at all. Anyone who sees you with them will clearly be able to tell that you just feel comfortable and safe in their presence. But you also look to them for gum (from NeeNee), popsicles (both), and granola bars (PopPop). They give into your every whim and you know it! They practically can't walk in the door to our house or you into theirs without you immediately asking for something! But, like I said, you feel comfortable and safe when you're with them, and this was most clear when I was in the hospital after Connor was born. You certainly weren't thrilled with being away from Mommy for those 3.5 days, but you held it together, and did great, and that is a testament to the relationship you share with NeeNee and "BopBop." You are one very, very, lucky boy.

I keep having to pause and think as I write this letter. I don't want to miss anything. I want to make sure I accurately capture the engaging, happy little boy that you are.

In addition to the many people I have talked about that you love, you also love trains (boy do you love trains!), Elmo, and Curious George. You love playing with my iPad, even though I don't let you do it very often. You love playing with trucks and reading books, especially ones about, you guessed it, trains. You love all things sweet (you get that from your Daddy) especially "pops" (lollipops), "dunks" (donuts), and cake.

You are able to play independently quite well. You will sit on the floor and look through books by yourself or push around your trucks and cars all by yourself without a care in the world as to whether anyone joins you. This is IMMENSELY helpful when I am getting dinner ready. And yet, at the same time, often, you will notice that I am making dinner and you then immediately want to help. Sometimes I can convince you to cook dinner along side me at your play kitchen. But sometimes that is not good enough. You want to be in on the action with me. And you're actually a pretty good helper! You follow directions very well, and if I didn't have to worry about you falling (off the chair you're standing on so you can see) you wouldn't be much of a hindrance at all.

You are rather physically adept. You climb and run and throw a ball like you've been doing it forever. You can nearly keep up with your big brother on the playground, and when you can't boy do you try! You have little to no fear, and while its fun to watch you play with reckless abandon, its also a little nerve wracking. But, as a Mommy to three boys I am learning to put my nerves aside and let you run, and jump, and play with all the energy you can muster.

Another word that comes to mind when trying to describe you is "imp." I just went and looked up its meaning, as its one of those words that I just know what it means, and yet couldn't describe it well. The definition is "a mischievous child." And if I had to add to that I would say, "a mischievous child who knows they are being mischievous." I remember one day when you, Ryan, and Daddy had gone on your weekly grocery shopping followed by Dunkin' Donuts trip. You had brought me back a Donut which was sitting in the bag on the counter in the kitchen. We had all been playing a game together in the family room when suddenly I realized you weren't with us anymore, and you were very quiet. Where did I find you? Sitting on the counter eating my donut. When I walked into the kitchen you just smiled the biggest smile with half a donut still hanging out of your mouth. There could simply be a picture of you next to the word "imp" in the dictionary!

Zachary, you are a kiddo that doesn't hold back. You express love and anger, and joy, and frustration with your whole self. You express it with words and action. You are fiercely loyal and devoted. You are kind and sensitive. You are playful and silly. You are my little boy, and I love you so very, very, very much. You are a wonderful son, brother, and grandson. In a few years, as you begin to truly develop relationships with your peers I know you will become an amazing friend as well. We are so glad you are a part of our family. We wouldn't be the Cam Fam without YOU!

Happy 2nd Birthday, sweet boy! I love you so!

Love always,

Mommy