Zachary: 1 Month

Dearest Zachary,

Today you are 1 month old! And while it feels like time is just flying by and it is difficult to believe you are already that old, it also feels like you have been a part of this family forever. You fit in seamlessly! There is no doubt that you were meant to be a part of this family and we are so very glad that you're here!

You are such an easy-going, calm baby. You rarely cry, and when you do, we can usually figure out pretty quickly what is bothering you and then you stop quickly. You already seem like a very inquisitive little guy and often have what Dada and I call your "skeptical" look. You appear as if you are constantly evaluating this world to determine what exactly it is all about. You like to look at faces and you love your Big Brother's voice. Ryan will often start singing to you when you cry (he is so in tune to you, and loves you VERY much!) and sometimes you really, truly do calm at the sound of his voice. I can't help but wonder if this is because Ryan sang to you so often when you were in my belly. I like to think the bonds of brotherhood started early, even before you met, and I hope they continue to grow strong throughout your life!

You still sleep a lot, but when you're awake you are very alert. You turn your head and look all around. You notice when you are in a new place and you take everything in.  At night, you continue to be a good sleeper, only waking once or twice to nurse, and then you go back to sleep almost immediately. You are a very snugly little guy, and if it was up to you, you would always sleep on Mama's chest. But, alas, you can't spend your life sleeping on Mama, and so, I do usually put you down in your bassinet (at night) or the bouncy seat or Mamaroo during the day.

We've recently discovered that you LOVE white noise. You sit sooo calmly (and sometimes fall asleep) in the morning when I blow dry my hair, and the other night you were in the bouncy seat next to the dish washer when it was running (our dish washer is loud!) and the next thing we knew, you were sound asleep. I guess that second sound machine we have will be getting some use after all!

You are growing like a weed! At your one month pediatrician appointment you were 23 inches long (95%) and 10 lbs 5 oz (75%). You outgrew all your "Newborn" size clothes by 2 weeks and you've already started to outgrow a lot of the "3 Month" size clothes, all because of your length! You better slow down on growing so long or I won't be able to use any of the clothes I have from your brother for you! (Although, Ryan was very tall when he was a baby too, and now he is exactly 50% for height and weight).

Zachary (or, Zach as we sometimes call you), I can't wait to continue this journey with you! One month in, I am completely smitten with you, and so are all the family members and friends who have already met you. We all love you so very, very much!

Happy 1 Month-day!

Love always,

Mama

Zachary's Birth Story

(This is written mostly for my and Zachary's own information. Be forewarned that it may not be the most riveting blog post you've ever read! :) Also, a disclaimer that there are a few "graphic" c-section photos.) 

Dearest Zachary,

Nearly 2 weeks ago, on January 15th, at 11:43 a.m. you entered our lives. You were 8 lbs 1 oz and 20 inches of perfection. Since this time we have gotten to know you as an easy going, low key, good sleeper of a newborn (at least so far anyway!). You rarely cry, and when you do there is something you clearly want (to be fed, to have your diaper changed, to be burped, etc) and when you get what you want, you stop crying immediately. You have only woken up once at night every night (except one) since we've brought you home. We feed you at 11:00, you wake up around 7/7:30 and you wake up once to eat around 3:00 a.m. You go back to sleep easily, and for all of this we are immensely grateful!

We--your Mommy, Daddy, and big Brother Ryan--love you to pieces! Ryan adores you and wants to hold, hug, and kiss you all the time. Even though he loves you so much he is still adjusting to being a big brother and has a hard sometimes with how much of Mommy and Daddy's time you take. But overall, he is making us very, very proud.

I want to tell you about the day you were born, as it was a very special day, and I don't want to ever forget it.

It was one week past your due date and you had not come on your own. Mommy had hoped that you would come by yourself and I wouldn't have to have surgery. But you had plans of your own. On the day of my scheduled c-section we were supposed to be at the hospital at 8:30 in the morning, for a c-section at 10:30 a.m. We didn't set an alarm because Ryan has been our alarm for the past three years and we didn't expect today to be any different. But Ryan decided to sleep until almost 7:40 (40 minutes later than usual!), so, we were running a bit late! NeeNee and PopPop arrived almost as soon as we had woken up (as we asked them to be there at 7:45) in order to take care of Ryan while we were at the hospital with you. We got ready, said our last goodbye's to Ryan before you arrived, and headed out the door rather quickly (but not quickly enough!) We didn't arrive until a little after 9:00. But this ended up not being an issue since the first c-section of the day ran late. So, we still had some waiting to do.

I was taken back to "triage" almost immediately. They started an IV, cleaned my belly, and gave me antibiotics. We had a very nice nurse named Jen. She was easy-going and friendly. She made the wait go by quickly. While we were waiting (and the night before) we received many text messages from friends and family (Auntie Catharine, Auntie Cindy, Uncle John, Uncle Mark, NeeNee/PopPop, Aunt Erin, Mrs. Heather, Mrs. Kiersten, Mrs. Sarah, Mrs. Katie) telling us they were thinking of us and hoping all went well. Daddy and I also played "Spot It" to pass the time. Dr. Penn came by to say hello and make sure everything was going ok, and we met the Anesthesiologist. Daddy had to get dressed in his blue scrubs so that he wouldn't bring germs into the OR.

Finally, around 11:10 they took us back to the OR, or rather, we walked back. They placed a spinal in Mommy's back, which is special medicine so that Mommy wouldn't feel any pain during the surgery. Daddy and Dr. Penn held Mommy's hands and it didn't hurt too much at all. Then, very quickly Mommy started to feel very numb. The anesthesiologist had told Mommy that he "prefers to aim too high than too low" and the numbness definitely went up high...as high as Mommy's neck. But Mommy was comfortable, and doing well. They put a little tube in Mommy's nose that gave me some extra oxygen just in case I needed it and they started some medication to keep my blood pressure up as it had started to go down just a little bit.

The doctors put up the "big blue screen" which generally blocks the Mommy and Daddy's view from the surgery and keeps the area where they are cutting sterile. But Mommy reminded Dr. Penn that I wanted to watch, and so he got the mirror out so I could see. They set up the mirror and I watched the entire surgery until they pulled you out. They made the first cut at 11:33 and Dr. Penn explained what everything was as he went along. He even commented on Mommy's "six pack" and Mommy told him not to mess it up! At 11:43 they pulled you out of my belly. The umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck THREE times, and Dr. Penn said, "Wow! This little guy was doing summer saults in there!" Yes, you certainly were! You had been an active little guy throughout my entire pregnancy! You cried a very loud, vigorous cry almost immediately and you kept crying the entire time they cleaned you off, weighed, and measured you. Daddy went to be with you while the doctors sewed me up. I couldn't see you during this time, but I sure could hear you! It was no surprise that your APGAR scores were 9 and 9! In addition to learning that my guess of 8 lbs 2 oz for your birth weight was off only by 1 oz, we also learned that you had a very large head, measuring 38.5 centimeters (the "average" is 34-36 cm). So, needless to say, between your head circumference  and the cord being wrapped around your neck, I was relieved that you ended up coming out by c-section!

Note the umbilical cord around your neck! 

A few minutes later they brought you back into the OR so that I could see you and give you your first kiss. As soon as they brought you up to my face and you heard my voice you stopped crying for the first time. It made my heart melt and tears began to fill my eyes. You were GORGEOUS! I was so thrilled to finally meet the active little boy who had taken up residence in my belly for the past 9 months. My heart was filled with so much joy!

Love at first sight! 

About 30 minutes later I was taken back to recovery, where I was finally reunited with you. You began to nurse immediately and easily. Even though I still didn't have great use of my arms (from the spinal that went up so high!) I was able to enjoy snuggling and cuddling you. Daddy and I just starred at you in amazement! Our second little boy had arrived and we were overjoyed! You were everything we hoped for and more!

About 45 minutes later, since both you and I were very stable and doing well we were taken to our room in the Mother/Baby part of the hospital. This is where we would spend the next two days getting to know each other. Daddy and I enjoyed being with you by ourselves for a bit, but we were also excited to introduce you to the many people who wanted to come and meet you! Auntie Cindy was the first to meet you. Then, shortly before dinner that first night NeeNee, PopPop, and your awesome Big Brother Ryan came to visit.

 

Watching Ryan meet you for the first time was magical. Ryan was so very, very excited. NeeNee said he was jumping up and down in the elevator talking about going to meet his baby brother. He smiled a huge smile when he saw you and immediately leaned down to give you a kiss. It was clearly love at first sight on his part, just like it was for Mommy and Daddy! NeeNee and PopPop were also thrilled to finally meet you and hold you! Later that night Uncle John came to visit, too. He was clearly so proud holding his second nephew and Godchild. Auntie Catharine and Uncle Mark would each come to visit the next day. Everyone in the family was smitten with you from the start!

The day of your birth was an amazing day indeed. It is a day for which I will be forever grateful and that I will never forget. I can't wait to watch you grow into the amazing boy and man that I know you will be. But in the meantime, I will cherish your every newborn coo, cuddle, and snuggle. I love you so much Zachary Joseph!

Love,

Mama

3 years

My Dearest Ryan,

Today you turned 3 years old. It is difficult to believe that 3 years have passed already since the day you entered our lives. I remember the day vividly, and as I currently sit here not only thinking of your own birth, but also anticipating your brother's arrival, I am especially conscious of the memories, feelings, and thoughts I had in the days after your birth. It was an overwhelming time. Our life was changed forever. At first it wasn't always easy to see the amazing ways in which life had changed. Caring for a newborn is really hard and it can be overwhelming. Much of the earliest days, though filled with immense love, gratitude and joy, they were also stressful! But tonight, as I tucked you in, your first night as a 3 year-old, I teared up as I thought about how truly wonderful being your Mama is!

I'm not saying every day is perfect, or that I'm the perfect Mom (far from it!), or that you're perfect. But the life we are living is truly wonderful. You are a wonderful little boy, who is so filled with joy and excitement, and you fill my life with more smiles and happiness than I ever could have imagined. These past 3 weeks, when I have been home with you, and only you, our time together has been magical. My heart melts multiple times each day when you, out of the blue, turn to me and say, "I looooove you, Mama!" I can't help but smile every time you get so excited about something that you jump up and down and flap your arms. (I need to stop worrying that your "flapping" is of concern, and rather, just take comfort in the fact that you are a very, very joyful, happy boy!) I love your "monkey hugs" when you wrap your arms and legs around me so tightly I can practically feel the love oozing out of you.

Ryan, there are so many things about you that make you such a special, wonderful boy. You are kind and caring. You are very sensitive, and when we read books, in which something sad happens to someone or something, you often cry. I remember the first time you cried at the end of "10 Little Lady Bugs" because you were so upset that the last Lady Bug was all alone. All the convincing in the world that she was eventually reunited with her friends could not calm the sadness you experienced on her behalf. You also get tearful when reading books that are sentimental, though not necessarily sad, such as "Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You." You not only show emotion when reading books, but also when interacting with other people. If someone you know is sad, you will quickly give them a hug and say, "Its OK! Its OK!" If you hear a baby crying you will ask, with a concerned look on your face, "Why is that baby sad?" This compassion and sensitivity you have for others is one of the things about you of which I am most proud. I hope you never lose this sensitivity, and never shy away from showing it openly.

You are also a very, very friendly boy. Just tonight, when we took you to Chick-Fil-A, you waved and said "Hi!" to people as we walked by, or to the kids at the table across from us. You quickly made friends with the other little boy in the play area and enjoyed a game of hide-and-seek. When one of the little girls was leaving the play area you gave her a hug and said, "Bye!" I love going places with you because you make people smile. At my recent OB appointments you are a big hit in the waiting room. You wave to people until they notice you and then you say, "Hi!" They smile immediately and say, "Hi" back and you generally engage in some kind of adorable conversation. You politely ask to see the babies who are with their moms. You know not to touch unless invited to touch them.

You're also a great conversationalist. When Dada comes home from work and we are eating dinner you almost always ask, "How was your day today, Dada?" You will sometimes ask, "What did you do?" You listen for the answers and ask appropriate follow-up questions.

You are confident and polite. If you want to ask a grown-up a question or tell them something, even a grown-up you don't know, you politely say, "Excuse me. Excuse me...." and then you ask your question or share your news. You did this at "My Gym" recently when the teacher was explaining that free play time was a good time to go potty or get a drink of water. You raised your hand, said "excuse me" and then politely explained, "Ms. Holly, we can't get a drink of water because you are out of cups." You will even ask strangers questions without hesitation. Again, in the OB's office you recently wanted to know one of the baby's names. You stood in front of the Mom, said, "Excuse me. What is the baby's name?" and then said "Hello Savannah!" to the cute baby girl in the car seat. You make me so proud and so happy on such a regular basis. People can't help but smile when they're around you. That is a gift. And it is one I hope you never stop sharing with the world!

Despite the fact that you talk almost CONSTANTLY you also find a lot of time to play and have fun. Lately you love to play with playdoh and you continue to love trucks, cars, fire engines, rockets, and helicopters. Your imagination has EXPLODED lately. The stories you act out involving cars stuck on mountains, cars that need rescuing because they caught on fire, rockets flying to the moon, or animals playing with their friends are fun to be a part of and a joy to listen to. You like to play with the Ipad (though we limit your time spent doing this!). For many months you especially loved the "Trucks" game in which you can change the tires on the cars with a flat tire. You're also now rather smitten with a few apps we have that involve building and launching rockets. The ease with which you quickly figure out the intricacies of each of these games never ceases to amaze me (though I also know this is normal for your generation of kiddos who is growing up with technology truly at your finger tips). You still absolutely LOVE to play outside. You may be happiest when playing at the playground, riding in your toy car with PopPop, or digging in the dirt with your many trucks. And yet, you love rainbows and playing with your new dollhouse. You affirm and defy gender stereotypes on a daily basis and I love it!

I could go on and on trying to capture the person you are in writing and I will never do you justice. You're amazing in my book, little Bubba! And one day, when you're much older, and you go back and read this letter, I hope that above all what will stand out is how very much I love you and am proud of you. You are a wonderful son. Being your Mama is the greatest privilege of my life!

As we await your little brother's arrival, I can't wait to watch you grow not only as a boy, and a son, but as a brother. You already show such concern and consideration for your baby bro. You ask, "Is Baby Zachary hungry, too?" when you're hungry. You wonder whether he will like the same activities you do. You give my belly hugs and say, "I love you Baby Zachary!" I have confidence you're going to be an amazing big brother. But I also know it will be challenging for you at times. But please, Ryan, do not ever forget how very much Mommy and Daddy love you and always will!

Happy 3rd Birthday Sweet Boy! I love you sooooooooo much!

Always,

Mama

Newborn

One Year

2 Years

3 Years

On Caring for Real People

Today, Election Day, I was trying to stay non-political on all forms of Social Media. I proudly voted this morning, perhaps more proudly today than any other election year, not because of the Presidential Election, but because of so many social issues on the ballot here in Maryland about which I feel so strongly. I am more anxiously awaiting the results of the Marriage Equality Act and the "Dream Act" (its not called that on a State level, but its the State equivalent of it) tonight than I am the results of the Presidential election, because these are results that will immediately and greatly impact the lives of so many real people in a profound way. And so, I will go ahead and be political today, because I want my boys (one almost three years, one to be born in two months) to know that they come from a family that cares about people, above all else.


Dear Ryan and Baby Boy #2,

Today is a special day in our country, the United States of America. It is a day in which we get to vote and voice our opinion about what is best for our Nation, our State, and our Communities. It is a day that many men and woman have fought hard over the years to make sure we all get to continue to participate in. It is a day that makes many Americans feel very proud.

This year is a Presidential election year, which means it is a year in which we, the American People choose who will be the leader of our Country for the next 4 years. Many people feel very strongly about who to vote for. And your Daddy and I are certainly two of those people. And while I won't go into detail, I hope, when you're older, that no matter who you vote for, you will vote for the person who you believe truly cares the most about all Americans. I hope you will vote for the person that wants all people treated fairly and with respect. The person who doesn't want to limit the rights of others because of who they decide to love. I hope you will vote for the person who seems like they will do the most to protect this great Earth we have been allowed to inhabit.  Vote for the the person that you think will try his/her hardest to do the right thing for the most people.

This year in Maryland, our State, not only do we have the chance to vote for our President, but we have the chance to vote on two very important social issues. These are issues that affect the every day lives of many people. One of these issues is allowing people who came here to the United States, from other countries, as children, to attend Maryland Colleges and Universities, and pay the same amount as people who were born in the United States. This is important because even though these people may have been brought to the USA by their parents, and it may not have been legal, they were children and didn't know any better and didn't have a choice. They have grown up here and many of them view America as their Country. As long as they have been good citizens, meaning they follow the laws and are kind to others, then they deserve to go to college for the same price as the two of you. This will make college much more affordable for these young people, so more of them will be able to go to school, and they deserve that opportunity.

The second Social Issue is what is called Marriage Equality. This is a law, that if passed will allow any person living in Maryland to marry any other person they love. Some families have a Mommy and a Daddy like our family. Other families have two Mommies and other families have two Daddies. Currently, in the families with two Mommies or two Daddies, the mommies and daddies can't get married. But this new law will allow anyone, 2 boys, 2 girls, or 1 boy and 1 girl to get married, as long as they are old enough and not related to each other. This is the way it should be. Marriage is a very special thing. It is a celebration of love and a commitment to another person forever. Whether you're a man who loves a man, a woman who loves a woman, or a man who loves a woman, you should be allowed to openly show your love and make it official through marriage. If Maryland passes this law, we will be the first State in the US to pass such a law by voting. And I will be soooooo proud to be a Marylander! Almost as proud as I am to be your Mommy!

I hope as you both get older that you will always remember how important Election Day is. You should ALWAYS vote when you have the chance. And when you vote, do your best to vote in a way that you believe will result in the most good for the most people. No candidate will ever be perfect. But follow your heart no matter what.

Love, Mama